Moment of truth…i’ve been sick more this year than usual. Not the BIG sick like from my past. Not hospital visits and months in bed. Not medicines and shades drawn and weak knees… but like little colds and such. This “little sick” is new to me because other than the BIG things i’ve always been pretty healthy and good about taking care. And I’ve observed these” little sicks” making me project some “BIG judgements” towards myself. There is a lot of past fear wrapped up in a sniffle, a lot of doubt wrapped in a tissue. How can I be sick when I KNOW how to be well? But here is the thing. Knowing is final. Exploring is opportunity. And that is where i’m focusing now. The opportunity to explore where i’m carrying some things around that I don’t need to anymore. Where that heaviness is feeding a heaviness in the chest. And how sometimes the letting go of that takes a lot of energy too- and so fatigue before lightness may be expected. And fun additions like Nashville’s dust-bowl-allergy-smorgasbord and nephews with cute runny noses that you can’t help but wipe and then cuddle until you’re covered in adorable little germies. The path is interesting…attachment is tricky, self care in the relinquishing is too, but damnit if it isn’t worth it. Damnit if i’m not learning more about myself in those moments of vulnerability than I do when everything is going my way. And damnit if that softness doesn’t make me shine so much that even when i’m still in my pajamas at 4pm (with a cup of tea I can’t taste and 15 layers of warm things because i’m freezing) my husband looks at me with all sincerity and says “you seem really happy lately” and I can’t disagree.
So I whisper softly “Thank you life. Thank you “little sick.” You’re helping me be well.”
Love you all. Where are your opportunities?